Or!

....start off posting every three weeks, that's not unreasonable.  Set realistic goals.  Do daily affirmations.

Oh, who the hell am I kidding?  Neurosis is my go-juice and if I were predictable or consistent, my life probably would have turned out much differently.  Just think...in some alternate universe, there is a version of "me" that arrives on time and come prepared with all daily necessities and shit. 

Ugh.  Kill that "me".  It will be fine, I'm sure she has phenomenal life insurance.