Harmony is certain that I have a direct line to Santa, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy and every other mythical creature that permeates our holidays.
Chris and I are still adapting to the kid sharing thing (neither of us can quite get used to not seeing her every day) and Sunday, she spent Easter with his family in Arkansas. Since I didn't get to see her, I planned a small Easter egg hunt for her on Tuesday morning before I took her to school. I stuffed eggs, put her to bed, realized she was still awake so I crawled out the window into the backyard like a lunatic and carefully placed brightly colored eggs and glitter nail polish and travel size bubble baths all over the yard.
There's only so much shit you can stuff into those tiny eggs, so I improvise.
Tuesday morning when she noticed the first egg through the window she squealed in delight and then that maddening but impressive logic of hers took hold. "Mommy, I already got stuff from the Easter bunny. Why did he come again?"
I wasn't sure what to say. "He had extra stuff. There was a drawing, you won."
"But shouldn't he give it to kids who didn't get anything?"
"He has a quota to fill."
"What's a quota? And why would he come on a Tuesday?"
"He had time off, his Union required it, health conscious parents are asking him to deliver tofu and bean sprouts so you get junk food. Just enjoy it, baby."
Still confused, but excited by the prospect of another egg hunt, she finally relented and went in search of goodies. She always misses one or two and I had to get her to school, so I stood by the ones she overlooked and urged her to keep hunting. One egg was simply impossible for her to find and she finally threw her hands up in frustration. "Momma, just call the Easter bunny and ask him how many eggs he put out so I make sure I don't miss any."
"The Easter bunny doesn't have a cell phone, honey."
"Everyone has a cell phone, Mommy. Santa has one. You call him every year when I'm bad."
"Right, but that's Santa. The Easter bunny is old school."
"Then how did you know he was coming today?"
"Um. He ... sent me a letter."
"I wanna see!"
"You know what, I just remembered he does have a cell phone. Calling now."
Ever tried to make a fake phone call to the Easter bunny while a very savvy 5 year old stands by your side, scrutinizing every word? Hoping that no incoming calls shattered the deception, I finally completed the fake call and told her to look for one more. After a few more minutes, and me all but standing on the damned thing, she was frustrated again. "Mommy, call him back and ask him for a map of where he put everything."
"Honey, he can't text a map."
"Sure he can. Have him take a picture of it and send it in a message."
I sighed and pointed. "There Harmony. There's the egg."
Techonology is ruining the magic.