Friday, December 02, 2016

Every year I say, "This year HAS to be better."

....For 2017, I'm changing that to, "I will make this year better."  One way for me to do that is to go back to doing what I loved so much and to stop allowing the opinions of deeply unhappy people to change who I am and what I choose to do.  So much has happened over the past few years and I'm going to share EVERY. FUCKING. GORY. DETAIL and hope that it helps to heal me and maybe someone else might experience collateral clarity out of the wreckage I walked out of.  I'm going back to what it used to be...I won't censor comments (unless they're directed in a hurtful way to the people I love) and I won't censor myself.  The fundamental difference here is the most profound lesson I've learned in the past few years:  what you think of me is none of my business.  Is my skin a little thicker?  No.  I can still be hurt by vicious and thoughtless remarks, I still have insecurities and tics and fears and I still worry about how I'm perceived in certain roles.  My skin is the same.  But my spirit is vastly different.  My outlook has transformed.  The world and the people in it haven't changed....I've simply adjusted my perspective in a way that has saved my life and my sanity.  I'm growing every day and thanks to the efforts and wisdom and compassion of some amazing people, it's a foundation that is solid this time.  I've spent the past few years making sure of that before I chose to lay myself bare, again.  I am fully aware of the risks of doing so, this time.  And I'm armored and content.  I won't allow anyone, ever again, to have so much power over me that they drive me into hiding.  I won't let another's opinion of me override my own and those of the people who truly know and fiercely love me.  I'm not any more than them and I'm sure as hell not any less.

I am Crystal McKnob.  And I'm so glad to be back. 

Friday, August 16, 2013

No Place Like Home

If you look over to the left column, you'll see a link for archives (and I'm far from finished.  There will be a lot more coming)

Thanks to my best friend, Jamie, (and the urging of my friend, Amber), who sent me the posts in HTML, I'm able to put them up in groups.  And I thought all of these were gone, forever. Aaaand I'm sure there are some people who really hoped they would be gone, forever.

Na na nee boo boo.

I'm coming back to my spot, here.  It's where I started, it's where I belong.  In the meantime, you can peruse the archives if you have time to kill.

(For those who signed up for the mailing list, I'll still be using it...I'll just be sending out New Post notifications and there won't be passwords)

Here's to the future!

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Here I Am, Panhandling Again

That title is in jest about a comment I got one time that I was no better than a panhandler.  I'm pretty sure panhandlers don't donate the money they get, but I could be crazy.

Anyway, I know I bombed the hell out of my email contacts and I don't usually do this...I buy and support the cookie drives and the wrapping paper and all of that, but I don't ask for people to buy just because it makes me uncomfortable.

This, however, is an awesome cause and Harmony is so excited to be able to help.

When I asked her what her goal was, she said, "Five dollars, Mommy.  That will help of one those kids get a new heart, right?"  She has such a good soul and I love her to pieces and don't ever want her to lose that drive to help, even in small ways. 

She didn't think she'd would raise more than five dollars because, well, Mommy never has friends or anything come over but I told her that I do have friends....they just don't live near me. 

Anyway, the donation is $5 if you're interested.  And thank you.  I'll try to get some pics of up the Jump Rope day.

Monday, January 28, 2013


Again, I'm keeping this site public and the other private.

I didn't turn anyone away but gmail routed a bunch to spam and after hitting 600 emails, a lot slipped through the cracks and I'm so sorry. Please email me and I'll give you the info.

Saturday, January 26, 2013

New place

I've moved. I'm keeping this site for public posts and the other for private.

If you didn't get the email with the link and the password, please email me at

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Coming Soon

I've been without a phone the last week and had no way to post.

Michael never responded about hosting the site so I'll figure it out by the weekend and email all of you the info ...

Thanks for your patience

Sunday, January 13, 2013

Strange Rationale

Ok, there's a hiccup. Poor Kat worked all this time and found out that Blogger only allows 100 private viewers in case you're doing something illegal or preying on kids.. We're way, way past that in email addresses.

Kat had some good ideas, anyone else?