Friday, December 02, 2016

Every year I say, "This year HAS to be better."

....For 2017, I'm changing that to, "I will make this year better."  One way for me to do that is to go back to doing what I loved so much and to stop allowing the opinions of deeply unhappy people to change who I am and what I choose to do.  So much has happened over the past few years and I'm going to share EVERY. FUCKING. GORY. DETAIL and hope that it helps to heal me and maybe someone else might experience collateral clarity out of the wreckage I walked out of.  I'm going back to what it used to be...I won't censor comments (unless they're directed in a hurtful way to the people I love) and I won't censor myself.  The fundamental difference here is the most profound lesson I've learned in the past few years:  what you think of me is none of my business.  Is my skin a little thicker?  No.  I can still be hurt by vicious and thoughtless remarks, I still have insecurities and tics and fears and I still worry about how I'm perceived in certain roles.  My skin is the same.  But my spirit is vastly different.  My outlook has transformed.  The world and the people in it haven't changed....I've simply adjusted my perspective in a way that has saved my life and my sanity.  I'm growing every day and thanks to the efforts and wisdom and compassion of some amazing people, it's a foundation that is solid this time.  I've spent the past few years making sure of that before I chose to lay myself bare, again.  I am fully aware of the risks of doing so, this time.  And I'm armored and content.  I won't allow anyone, ever again, to have so much power over me that they drive me into hiding.  I won't let another's opinion of me override my own and those of the people who truly know and fiercely love me.  I'm not any more than them and I'm sure as hell not any less.

I am Crystal McKnob.  And I'm so glad to be back. 

51 comments:

Osbasso said...

Damned glad to see you back!!

bub said...

Yay!

Unknown said...

Yay!!! I missed your writing.

Unknown said...

Best news in weeks-can't wait.

Sarah G said...

Hooray! This makes me very happy indeed

carwag25 said...

Looking forward to the upcoming blog posts :)

Persnickety Ticker said...

Doing a happy dance in my chair!! So awesome that you are back! I've been sitting here, waiting patiently. Because in my heart I knew that one day you'd be back! Just glad it happened before I kicked the bucket! Bring it on, girl!! You are the once and future highlight of my day and for that matter my whole reason for "interneting"!!! Love ya!!

Ian said...

Welcome back!

Unknown said...

Yay!!!!

Unknown said...

I'm topless I'm so fucking happy��

Stacie Parent said...

I am so glad to read this! I have missed you!!

LSU Tigers Fan said...

The Internet has suffered in your absence. Welcome back!

Northwoods Woman said...

so happy to see you back! I look forward to everything you have to say. I do believe, it is we who have been broken so much, that make the best people!

Unknown said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Michael Bugeja said...

Welcome back Crystal

Anonymous said...

Welcome back! You are strong, you are loved!

Unknown said...

Way to go! Keep on living Crystal, and don't you dare apologize for it. Because each day that you have lived thorough, each turmoil and happiness that you have felt... Those are what have made you better each day. I love when you share the stories of yourself because it's such a technicolor ray of emotion and unapologetic honesty. Whether it's sad, hilarious, biting, or scathing, I love it because it comes directly from your soul. Your soul has risen exponentially in the last few years, because you have experienced so much. I can't wait to experience your new high definition!
Forever supportive of you 💖
~Lita

Mandi Kaye said...

I was pleasantly surprised to find a new post by you in my feed reader! So glad you're back.

Cricky said...

It's about fucking time.
Stop leaving and letting spineless douchebags control your life.
WRITE ALL THE THINGS.

Valerie said...

You just made my day! So glad you are back

Reasonable Female said...

What Cricky said.

Unknown said...

SO glad you are back!! I'm sorry for the crap that you have gone through and pray for a better time for you.

Liz Miller said...

Welcome back!

Elizabeth said...

Woohoo! I NEED TO KNOW EVERYTHING.

ana. said...

so glad to see youre back! :))

GoaldeeBug said...

Welcome back!!

Erica said...

Welcome back!!! Looooong time reader and supporter od your wellbeing. Happy to hear you sound like you're in a better spot.

lauraperkins said...

This is so weird and amazing. I haven't checked in for a couple of years, and just had this overwhelming urge to google you- and HERE YOU ARE!!!! Wahoooo!!!

Northwoods Woman said...

As you know, it's when we hit rock bottom when we find out who are real friends are. That's where I learned to have a little thicker skin, so I hope you learn to have it too. God wants you to take care of you first. Hugs Crystal.

Only $19.95 said...

Keep on rockin! Love you~

Anonymous said...

Can I love this any harder? So glad you are back. You were missed!!!

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